Salwin's shoes are the focus of much attention. Marc feels Jim Carrey pulled a Chambers with an awkward video missive to Emma Stone. Salwin invents "IfYouNasty.com." Marc, Cioffi and Salwin pry into what a listener would need to do to pitch himself to Seena via the Internet. Cioffi gives his Lock Of The Week. Much more.

Marc wants to define a new breed of hipsters that use Bing and carry HP TouchPads. Salwin rides in atop the News Monster with stories of the billion-dollar fake dog nuts industry, Zach Braff stars in another cult classic, people in New York banging away in bathrooms and more. Plus: the show breaks down Steve Jobs' resignation video from YouTube.

Out in the mid-west there's a dog that oughta be mayor. Cioffi's launched his most successful Twitter scam to date -- so successful, he himself was bitten by the bug. Low Budget FM does the Internet a favor and answers open questions from Yahoo! Answers on topics like learning to never sleep, dream reality vs. mushroom reality, being the healthiest man in the world and more.

The Oakland Raiders have kicked off the season in style, with countless fights in the stands and shootings in the parking lot of a pre-season away game. Famed homeless guy Ted Williams rolls deep. Sometimes you need a condom that can tear through water while maintaining full traction. PETA's new porn site wreaks havoc on your brain. Much, much more.

Marc, Cioffi and Salwin would all like to be authorities in certain areas. Said areas are discussed, as is dinosaur wrestling. Football is back, but arena football is apparently gone. The King of Prognostication returns to his throne with the first Lock of the 2011-2012 NFL (pre-)season. Marc runs down another of his failed TV pitches, inspired by his recent viewing of "Rise of the Planet of the Apes."